


Shapes in the Darkness

by Cowboy_Sneep_Dip



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fire Emblem Fates: Conquest Spoilers, Ghosts, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Health Issues, Minor Violence, Post-Fire Emblem Fates: Conquest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2019-01-20 10:33:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12430971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cowboy_Sneep_Dip/pseuds/Cowboy_Sneep_Dip
Summary: Following the conquest of Hoshido, Hinoka struggles to fill a role she was never destined for. She finds herself dreading the arrival of a Nohrian diplomatic envoy and the tumultuous emotions it brings. Sometimes, though, healing and solace and come from the most unexpected places.





	1. Chapter 1

It’s dark when Hinoka slips out her door, padding barefoot on the creaking wooden floor. Her hair is up, long, wild shocks of scarlet tied up into a messy ponytail. She is eight years old.

She takes a deep breath, closing her eyes. And she runs.

She bolts through the castle, whipping around corners, trying to straddle the narrow gap between speed and silence. By the time she reaches the stairs she is out of breath and she stops to steady her nerves. A muffled rustle sounds behind her and she turns, staring down the dark hallway. A light turns on in one of the rooms far behind her. She frowns, brow creasing, and ducks into the stairwell. Taking the steps three at a time, she skips quickly, paying less attention to her noisiness. At this point, she would be found out or not. The stairwell is tall and narrow, periodically dotted with wide, open windows letting in the cool night breeze.

Before Hinoka can reach the bottom of the stairs, the door on the floor below her opens. Without thinking, she leaps, vaulting out the window and into the open air.

She immediately realizes she made a mistake. She had miscalculated how high above the ground she was, and with a frantic and muffled gasp she turns back, trying to catch herself on the ledge. Her hand slips and she scrabbles desperately at the wall. She slides down several feet before she manages to grasp onto a jutting out brick. She dangles, both arms above her, staring up at the window she had leapt out of with wide eyes.

Two voices emanate from the stairwell, one low and gravely, the other higher but tense. She watches the window illuminate, glowing brighter as the two figures walk past it, presumably carrying a torch. She waits, dangling from the stone base of a tower, the very same castle that she would one day inherit. One day, years in the future.

But for now, she is silent, sweat trickling from her brow. When the voices disappear, she scrambles up the wall and climbs back into the window. She leans against the wall of the stairwell, gasping for breath. That was close. Falling would be one thing, but getting caught…that wasn’t an option.

With renewed haste she leaps down the stairs, her bare feet skidding on the landings as she leaps down each flight, taking as many stairs at a time as she dares. She leaves the stairwell and darts through the castle at a half-crouch. Through the gardens, the tea-rooms, the halls and storage rooms. She slips through another window, this time landing-feet first in the damp dirt of one of her mother’s prized gardens.

It was a beautiful garden, during the day. Even at night, with the starlight sparkling on the water of koi ponds and the moon illuminating the old wooden bridge, it was breathtaking. On a night like this, though, Hinoka had prayed for cover of darkness.

The garden path leads her around, past cherry trees long since out of season, past meticulously cultivated shrubbery, past flowerbeds and benches. It takes her to her destination – the stables.

Her breathing is uneven and ragged as she pries the stable door open. With a loud bang the door swings open, and Hinoka winces. She’s too far in at this point. Too close. She couldn’t let anything stop her. She closes the door behind her.

She picks through the stable, careful not to rouse the kinshi roosting in the lofts above her. The smell of hay, of dirt and manure, is almost invigorating. In the past year, it had become a scent Hinoka was used to. One that felt more like home than the somber halls of Shirasagi Castle. She had been so focused on her training, her mind like a sieve filtering out all but her goal: she would get her brother back.

She mounts her pegasus clumsily. She was too short to climb into the stirrups herself so she stood on a bucket. Her bare feet are uncomfortable, rubbing in the stirrups. She silently wishes she had stopped by the armory to grab her boots. Too late now, though. She clutches the reins tightly, gulping down air as she tried to remember all the right commands.

“Okay,” she whispers. “You can do this,” she says as assurance to both herself and her pegasus. The pegasus, rudely roused from sleep, begins to totter nervously. It whinnies softly.

“Shhh,” Hinoka leans forward, brushing its mane. “Shh, it’s okay. It’s just me.” She tightens the reins and pulls, guiding the pegasus into a trot out of her stable. A squawk sounds above her, all of her preparations having roused a kinshi. It spies her and begins squawking even more loudly, its cry a siren alerting the sleeping castle to her position.

“Crap, crap, crap,” Hinoka mutters, kicking her pegasus with her bare feet. “Come on, you mangy horse! Get moving!” The pegasus whinny again, louder this time, and kicks up its front legs. “Go!” Hinoka cried, leaning forward.

The pegasus begins to gallop forward, heading for the stable doors, which Hinoka realized she had shut behind her. Fortunately, as they approached, the doors opened wide, and two figures stood silhouetted in the dark night beyond the door.

“Yah!” Hinoka cries, lashing the reins. Her pegasus gallops forward, wildly flapping its wings as it stumbles through the door.

“Hinoka!” behind her a voice calls her name, but Hinoka doesn’t care. She did it. She tugs the reins up tightly, prompting the pegasus to take to the air.

Or, rather, she would have, if she had remembered the right commands. Instead the pegasus bucks her wildly, sending her flying from the saddle. She crashes face-first into a crop of bushes.

No, no, _no!_ She feels herself start to tear up as the commotion draws more and more people to her. Guards and servants begin to flock to her. Worst of all, she hears a stern, low voice tutting.

“Now, now, Hinoka. What would your mother say if she knew this is what you were doing so late at night?” It was Reina, her mother’s bodyguard.

“Let me go!” Hinoka cries, staggering to her feet and trying to evade being grabbed. She is only eight, though, and Reina easily overpowers her, her strong arms clamping like a vice grip onto Hinoka’s thin torso. “Let me go!” Hinoka repeats, thrashing wildly to free herself. She’s crying now, tears of frustration streaming down her face. “I have to help him! Kamui needs me! Let! Me! Go!”

She kicks back violently, her foot connecting with Reina’s stomach. The young woman grunts and drops her to the ground, prompting Hinoka to scramble to her feet. She is about to dash off into the garden when she looks up and sees her brother standing over her, arms crossed. Ryoma glares at her, his long brown hair waving gently in the night breeze. Hinoka stares at him with pleading, teary eyes. His stern gaze softens and he kneels in front of her in the dirt, gently resting a hand on her shoulder.

“It’s okay, little sister,” he says softly, pulling Hinoka into an embrace. She cries in his arms and he sighs. “I miss him too.”

Hinoka sniffles and nods. “I…I have to do something. I couldn’t protect him. I have to-“

Ryoma shushes her and pulls her tighter. “It’s not your fault. There was nothing any of us could do.”

Hinoka stifles her sobs, rubbing her puffy red eyes. Her body aches, the impact of being thrown from her pegasus finally settling in as the adrenaline wears off.

“Come on. Let’s get you to bed,” Ryoma says softly, helping her to her feet.

“One day,” Hinoka says defiantly. The two walk out of the garden, Ryoma’s hand clasped warmly around hers. “One day, I’ll save him. I promise.”

 

-

 

Queen Hinoka lays on her back, staring at the ceiling, her mind conjuring shapes and movement in the darkness. She isn’t sleeping. She doesn’t sleep much, these days. If at all. Her breathing is steady and even, modulated only by her immense strength of will. Only by this will does she avoid breaking down again. She had cried in front of the envoy from Mokushu this time. She had managed to hold it together for a bit until one of the diplomats asked her why she was so silent. He was concerned she was angry and took her silence as an affront.

In truth, though, she had been fighting back sobs. His question did the trick, though, and she was ferried from the room by Yukimura, who had been profusely apologizing. She had spent the rest of the evening in bed. Sakura visited her with dinner, a plate now sitting cold and untouched by her bedside.

She sighed, closing her eyes, although she knew closing her eyes made it worse. She could still see them. She could see Takumi, twisted and broken, a shell of himself. Ryoma, slain by his own hand. She opened her eyes again. The darkness was deep around her, a thick coil of silence blanketing her, a void in which she wasn’t forced to see anything. In a way, the darkness was preferable to the images her own mind conjured in front of her eyes, time and time again.

She gasped, feeling tears running down her face. She couldn’t do this. Not again. The halls of Shirasagi were too empty, too hollow. The halls in which she once played and trained were now simply the channels of a mausoleum, a monument to death. If she had it her way, the whole castle would be demolished. The blood had long since been scrubbed from the wooden floors and the paper walls, but she couldn’t look anywhere without seeing the stains of death.

She held herself tightly, wrapping her arms around her torso and curling into a tight fetal ball. Hinoka didn’t put much stock in ghosts, of course. It was a silly notion to believe that vengeful spirits inhabited this world after death – at least, not ghosts like in Azura’s stories. Friendly ancestral spirits, sure. But here, in the deep of the night, her thoughts filled with the cries of the dead and the smell of blood, she couldn’t help but feel like she was not alone. She opens her eyes, peering into the dark corners of the royal bedroom.

A figure stands there, silent, unmoving.

Hinoka sniffles and gasps, wrapping herself more tightly in her blanket. The figure steps forward, heavy boots on the floor. Hinoka’s bed, in traditional Hoshidan style, is on the floor, so she has to look up to see the figure. That silhouette is unmistakable.

Ryoma emerges from the shadows, his midsection stained red, his armor torn and dented. Blood and viscera drips from his abdomen. He opens his mouth to speak and blood runs down his chin, pooling on the floor.

Hinoka blinks back tears and scrambles backwards. Ghosts aren’t real, she thinks, not entirely convinced. As Ryoma steps closer the blood begins to drip onto her mattress, staining the white cushion with drips of red.

“W-what do you want?” Hinoka manages to gasp out, finally. “Leave me alone!”

He stops, standing over her. She stares, trembling, reaching out a cautious hand.

“Why did you let this happen, Hinoka?” he asks, his voice clear as a bell in the darkness.

“What?” Hinoka’s lip quivers and she withdraws her hand.

“If you had stopped him, it wouldn’t be like this.”

“N-no,” Hinoka protests weakly. “No! I-I-I-“

“You failed us. You failed us all.”

Another figure emerges from the shadows, cutting the silhouette of Takumi. “Big sister, why didn’t you help me?”

“No, I…I tried!” Hinoka cries, holding her hands up to her face.

Another figure, the soft maternal voice of Mikoto cutting through the darkness. “My darling Hinoka. You couldn’t have possibly known what was going to happen. It’s not your fault you’re not as strong as your brothers.”

Hinoka reaches out for her. “M-mother, I-“

“You failed!” Takumi yells, his voice hoarse and biting. “You let me die! You let Hoshido fall!”

“N-n-no!” Hinoka clamps her hands around her head. “No, no, no!” The figures encircle her and despite her cries she can hear their voices.

“You let us die.”

“You could have stopped this.”

“You’re a failure.”

“You failed your country.”

“You failed your family.”

“You wasted your life.”

“You’re too weak.”

“You’re too reckless to lead.”

“You’re to blame.”

Hinoka sobs, rocking back and forth in bed, her hands clamped over her head. “I’m sorry,” she whispers weakly. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

She mumbles her apology over and over, the voices still circling her head. A hand touches her and she screams, uncurling from her tight ball and thrashing out. Her hand connects with something solid. Something physical.

Sakura stumbles back from her, startled, wincing from the blow. “Big sister, it’s me!”

Hinoka stares at her, wide-eyed, realizing she just hit her sister. “Gods, Sakura, I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry!”

Sakura rubs her head and shrugs. “I’m okay. You didn’t hit me very hard.”

Hinoka groans in frustration. Inwardly, she screams at herself. _You stupid bitch! How could you do that?! You just hit your sister!_ She closes her eyes and grinds her teeth, tensing all her muscles and trying to keep from punching herself in the stomach.

“B-big sister?” Sakura asks cautiously.

Hinoka uncurls slowly, her muscles still tense, her body trembling. “I’m sorry, Sakura,” she smiles weakly, reaching a slow hand out. Sakura flinches instinctively and Hinoka feels another bout of anger wash over her. She takes a deep breath and grasps Sakura’s hand. “What did you want?”

“I-I was about to go to bed,” Sakura mumbles. “I was walking by when I heard you saying something, so I thought you were awake. Were you having a bad dream?”

“I…don’t know,” Hinoka admits. She rubs her thumb along Sakura’s hand and takes deep breaths.

“Are you worried about tomorrow?” Sakura asks, adjusting on the mattress so she is sitting next to Hinoka.

Hinoka nods, whispering softly. “Yeah.”

“I don’t think I want to see him.”

“Me neither,” Hinoka sighs. “But its not like we have a choice.”

“Are…are you going to fight with him this time?”

Hinoka draws her knees tightly against her chest. “I…I don’t want to. But…ugh, I’m so stupid. I just can’t control myself.”

Sakura cuddles against her side, breathing softly. Hinoka closes her eyes, allowing Sakura’s warmth to spread to her. It was comforting to have someone else with her, the warmth of another human being. The reassurance that she wasn’t alone. Not entirely, at least. Even as she felt the pull of sleep lulling her away from the waking world, though, she could feel eyes on her in the dark, and her sleep was restless and plagued with nightmares.


	2. Chapter 2

“Let me be perfectly clear,” Hinoka snaps, her face stern and her posture hostile. “You aren’t welcome here, _Corrin_.” Her voice is venomous and she pronounces the name with disdain. “You aren’t welcome here, and you never will be. You are a guest in this country, and you will be treated with respect while you are here, but don’t for a _second_ think that you deserve even an ounce of the politeness you will be given.” She prods his chest, pressing her finger into him and pushing him backwards slightly. “Am I clear?”

Corrin nods, sighing. “I’m sorry, Hinoka. You know I-“

Hinoka growls and stares down at him. Even though she’s only a few inches taller than him, her full royal regalia adds a spectacle of presence, of being, to her ordinarily frail form. Her face, usually sunken and gaunt, is done up with makeup to give an illusion of healthiness, and she actually ate breakfast for once, though more for the sake of appearances than actual hunger.

“You will call me ‘milady’. We are not friends.”

“Big sister,” Corrin pleads, his voice softening.

Hinoka slaps him, her gloved hand whipping across his cheek and leaving a dark red mark. Immediately his entourage of companions reach for their weapons, and as they do Hinoka’s own complement of guards draw theirs.

Corrin holds a hand out, shaking his head, ordering his guard to stand down.

“You are _not_ my brother. You never were, and you are certainly not part of what little family I have left.” Hinoka feels the rage again, the anger boiling inside. It takes all her effort to not shove him to the ground and beat his perfect little face into his fucking skull. “When not conducting business you are not to leave your quarters. Am I clear?”

Corrin nods, holding his chin and wincing. The slap stung. He knew, deep down, he likely deserved it.

Hinoka turns and stalks away. “Lunch is at noon. If you are late you won’t be served. Yukimura will show you to your rooms.”

Behind her, Sakura smiles sheepishly at Corrin. He smiles back, offering a little wave in her direction. His face looks soft and sweet, his dark eyes looking at her with genuine affection. Sakura takes a cautious step towards him.

“Come on, Sakura,” Hinoka takes her hand and drags her away. “We have business we need to attend to.” As Hinoka pulls her, Sakura looked back at Corrin, who shrugs.

 

-

 

“I’m w-w-worried about her,” Sakura says softly, swinging her legs back and forth on the bench. She had convinced Hinoka to let her spend the afternoon with Corrin, arguing that he should at least be supervised while Hinoka was working. And so they sat together on a bench in the gardens, watching flower petals drift by in the late spring breeze.

“Yeah, she seems a little…” Corrin trails off, motioning vaguely with his hands.

“She’s sick, I t-think. She hasn’t been eating or sleeping, and she’s always so angry.”

Corrin nods thoughtfully. “She hasn’t hurt anyone, has she?”

Sakura turns away, casting her gaze downwards. “She…um…sometimes she…”

“It’s okay, Sakura. You can tell me.”

“She hits me, sometimes,” Sakura whispers. “I know it’s always an accident, but…” with a conspiratorial lean, she turns back to Corrin. “I hate it, big brother. She makes me sleep in the same bed with her all the time, and she even moved my bed into her room. She never lets me leave the castle without her. And she’s always talking to herself, but when I ask what she’s saying it’s like she doesn’t even remember talking. Sometimes I’ll talk to her and it feels like she isn’t even there. She just nods and smiles and says things like ‘that’s nice’ without paying any attention to me.”

“It must be very difficult being the queen,” Corrin says, noncommittally. He chews his lip, deep in thought.

“I…It’s so hard, because I know she needs me. But it’s scary. It makes me nervous just to be around her. And more and more it seems like she doesn’t want me to leave her side.”

“She’s just protecting you,” Corrin offers. “I’m sure she just doesn’t want anything to happen to you.”

“I know,” Sakura frowns and sighs. “It’s just…it goes past that. It’s like she’s afraid of everything. Even her own shadow. But I try to talk to her and she just shuts me out.”

“Do you want me to try and talk to her?” Corrin asks, putting a hand on Sakura’s shoulder. “I know she and I aren’t on the best terms right now, but…”

“I don’t know,” Sakura sniffles. “I’m so worried about her.”

 

-

 

Hinoka holds her right hand up in front of her face, watching it tremble, struggling to keep a grip on her quill pen. She grasps it with her left hand, trying to stop the hand from shaking. She puts the pen to parchment, trying to write. Traditionally, Hoshidan characters are difficult to write, and even the slightest alteration of a line can radically alter the meaning of the character. Hinoka draws a single short line, watching as the black ink stains the page, her shaking grasp scribbling incoherently on the paper. She takes a deep breath and crumples the paper, dropping it to her side and drawing a new sheet. Again.

She tries something easier. Her name. She’s written it thousands of times. She starts off well, drawing a short horizontal line. A curve is next. She focuses, trying to blot out all of her thoughts except the character. She draws a sweeping curve. Okay, now just a short horizontal line. She finishes the character and stares at it on the paper. _Hi_. She begins to write _no_ when she hears heavy footsteps approach the far side of the table.

She assumes, as she often does, that the figure isn’t real. She ignores it, carefully drawing a circle on her paper. _Hino_. She smiles grimly at it. _Ka_ is all that’s left. She slowly puts the pen to paper. The figure clears their throat.

Hinoka, startled, tears through the delicate paper with her pen, the third character left uncomplete as the paper rips. “Fuck!” she screams, slamming her fists on the table. “What do you want?!” she looked up at long last.

Across from the table, a smug face rises above crossed arms. The figure flicks her hair over her shoulder nonchalantly. “Am I…interrupting something?”

“I’m…I’m writing.”

“Anything important?”

Hinoka growls. “What do you want, Princess Camilla? I thought I said none of you were to leave your quarters.

“Well, little Corrin got to leave his room, so I thought it was only fair that _I_ got to as well,” Camilla smirks, bending over and picking up a scrap of paper.

Hinoka’s fists balled. If she weren’t wearing gloves her nails would have no doubt burrowed into her palms. “Please leave.”

“Oh, let me try to read this first,” Camilla says politely. She bends over and picks up a sheet of paper, slowly mouthing out the syllables. “ _Bya…ku…y…ya…oh…toh..k…ka?_ No, _ku._ Ku, right? _”_  

“So you can read Hoshidan. Am I supposed to be impressed?” Hinoka glares at her, not getting up from her seat.

“Well, I thought you would appreciate the effort, at least,” Camilla smiles, a smug grin that Hinoka can’t quite tell is genuine or not.

“You’ll notice,” Hinoka sighs, shuffling her papers, “that we’re currently speaking _your_ language. If you think your token desire to learn our language is worth any degree of praise, maybe you should attend one of our daycare education classes. I’m sure the other children learning to read would be thrilled.”

For a second, a flicker of anger crosses Camilla’s face. Then she smiles. “Oh, Queen Hinoka. Gracious, as always.”

“We aren’t meeting until four,” Hinoka says sternly, rising from her seat. “If you don’t have anything to discuss, then please return to your quarters.” She brushes past Camilla, bundle of paper in her arms.

Camilla watches her go, her eyes following the queen as she walks out. She sighs and closes her eyes.

“Hinoka,” Camilla calls after her, after a moment’s silence.

Hinoka stops in the doorway, her back to Camilla, not turning. She says nothing.

“I’m…sorry,” Camilla says, not a hint of her ever-present patronizing smugness in her voice. “I…know how hard it can be. How hard it is. If…if there’s anything I can do…please, don’t hesitate to ask.”

Hinoka remains motionless in the doorway, her bundle of papers clasped to her chest. She stares dead ahead, eyes motionless. “Yeah,” she breathes at last, letting out a breath she didn’t even know she was holding in.

 

-

 

Hinoka sighs, slipping into the hot waters of the bath, closing her eyes. She slips below the surface without taking a breath, allowing her body to sink like dead weight to the bottom of the pool. It’s her first bath in some time, though she can’t remember exactly how long. She lays in the water, motionless, the warmth of the pool enveloping her. She tries staying down as long as possible, even without having taken a breath before submerging. She opens her eyes in the water and exhales, expelling her last mouthful of oxygen into the bath. It’s comfortable here at the bottom of the bath. She was never much one for water, but here it was so easy to sink down, to ignore every sensation but the lapping of the water at her skin. Even her thoughts were muffled, water filling her ears and dulling her thoughts. The ghosts could not touch her here.

Her lungs are strong, a benefit of her training and her physical condition, and she manages to stay down for quite a while before she feels the tug on her chest. Her body, aching to rise to the surface, aching to breathe again. And yet she stays, digging her toes into the bottom of the bath. It’s not until she feels the darkness creeping in around the edges of her vision that she breaks the surface, gasping for breath. It takes a minute or two for her vision to return. She leans against the edge of the bath, taking deep, slow breaths. When her body normalizes she does it again, exhaling before sinking below the surface of the water. It feels like the only respite she can achieve.

On her third surfacing a voice calls out to her.

“I hear you don’t ride your pegasus anymore.”

She frowns, brushing back her wet hair. Even this, her only moment of solace, has to be interrupted. Perfect.

Camilla slides into the bath next to her with a splash, her voluptuous body sending ripples across the pool.

“Princess Camilla, this is my private bathing time. The bathhouse has public hours until seven.”

“I missed my chance to bathe earlier, and if I don’t wash my hair then it’ll be untamable by the morning.” Camilla begins brushing her long lavender hair before dipping it into the pool.

“Be that as it may, you-“

“Why aren’t you riding?” Camilla cuts her off without looking up from her hair.

“What?” Hinoka frowns, appalled at Camilla’s lack of manners and obliviousness to the situation at hand.

“Corrin told me that Sakura told him that you don’t ride your pegasus anymore. Why is that?”

Hinoka looks exasperated, the question a complete curveball. “I…I…can’t.”

“Can’t, or won’t?” Camilla asks, the trite question making Hinoka roll her eyes.

“I can’t. Even if I could, I wouldn’t. It’s none of your business.”

“Ah, yes,” Camilla nods, brushing her hair back and attempting to disentangle a particularly stubborn knot. “I’ve heard that pegasi can only be ridden by riders whose hearts are calm. They can’t be tamed by…” she turns and looks Hinoka in the eyes. “Raw passion alone, correct?”

“Yeah,” Hinoka grumbles, annoyed that her bath time is being interrupted and even more annoyed by such prodding questions. “Like I said, it’s none of your business.”

“It’s an awful shame,” Camilla shrugs. “I was under the impression that you loved nothing more than flying. As Corrin put it, it was one of the few things that truly gave you joy.”

Hinoka grits her teeth and stands. Rising from the bathwater, she’s suddenly acutely aware of the difference between hers and Camilla’s bodies. She looks at her frame – slim and bony, pale from lack of sunlight. Her ribs practically poke through her skin, the meager diet taking a toll of her. And the scars, too. Everywhere, the scars.

“Goodness, darling, you’re nothing but skin and bones,” Camilla murmurs, staring unabashedly.

Hinoka’s face flushes and she tries to cover herself by folding her arms over her chest. Even her arms are thin and bony. She shivers in the chilly air, stomping angrily towards the changing area.

Before she has a chance to pull on her nightwear, Camilla stands in front of her, her imposing form casting a shadow on Hinoka. “Come on, get dressed. No, not in your pajamas. Put your clothes back on.”

“Don’t tell me what to do!” Hinoka protests. “Leave me alone!”

Camilla gets dressed, donning a casual riding outfit rather than her decorative armor. “Come on. We’re going to get something to eat, then we’re going flying.”

“No!” Hinoka protests, knowing it’s futile. She hasn’t eaten in two days, and her grumbling stomach protests every time her muscles demand action. Camilla isn’t asking. She’s telling.


	3. Chapter 3

Hinoka picks at her food, grimacing. Not that the food was bad. Quite the opposite, in fact. The kitchens of Shirasagi were perhaps home to some of the best traditional Hoshidan food in the whole country. The problem is primarily her companion, who struggles to scoop at her rice with a pair of chopsticks.

“I can get you a spoon, if you want,” Hinoka sighs glumly.

“No, I’m learning. It just takes some practice,” Camilla smiles proudly. “Aha!” she manages to raise a piece of fish to her mouth before accidentally dropping it into her lap. “Ah, shit,” she swears.

Hinoka bursts out laughing, shocked at Camilla’s inelegance in manner and language.

Camilla smiles at her. “Am I really doing that badly?”

Hinoka smirks and waves her hand. “It’s just so surprising to hear you swear. You’re usually so…ladylike.”

“Well, we can’t all be cute little tomboys, can we?” Camilla’s smile is warm and genuine.

Hinoka suddenly remembers Camilla is her enemy and her smile melts into a stern frown. “Look, just eat your food and be done with it.”

Camilla sighs, disappointed that Hinoka’s mood soured again so quickly. “I was _this_ close to getting a real laugh out of you, you know.” She turns back to her food.

Hinoka grumbles and moves her food around on her plate, shifting it without eating anything.

“Come on,” Camilla chides her. “You need to eat something.”

“Fuck off,” Hinoka snaps. “You’re not my mother.” As soon as she says it she regrets it, since the crushed expression on Camilla’s face perfectly matches Hinoka’s regret of bringing up her own now-dead mother. Dead in no small part thanks to Camilla’s family, of course. Hinoka wrestles internally with herself, trying to maintain a neutral expression. She smirks cruelly, a mean smile showing pride at her ability to make Camilla feel bad.

_Stop being such a bitch_. She frowns again, wanting to silence her own brain. It’s not being rude. It’s being fair. She doesn’t deserve any amount of kindness.

“Are you okay?” Camilla asks softly. She puts a hand on Hinoka’s arm. Hinoka realizes she has been silent for quite some time, lost in her own head.

“Yeah, I…”

“You were talking to yourself.”

“What?” Hinoka’s face flushes. “Gods, was I? Was I saying anything?”

Camilla shakes her head. “Hinoka you really should eat something.”

Hinoka nods, her expression hollow. She takes a bite of food, her first in a few days. She almost immediately feels sick to her stomach. Was she saying those things out loud? About Camilla not deserving kindness?

_It doesn’t matter, it’s true_.

Even if she’s kind, it doesn’t erase what Nohr has done. It doesn’t bring back the dead. She’s a monster. They all are.

She feels another touch on her arm. Camilla’s hand. Hinoka snaps, shoving Camilla backwards and almost knocking her off her chair. “Don’t touch me.”

She seethes, rage churning in her stomach, glaring at Camilla. “Don’t you fucking think we’re friends. We’re not.”

By the time Hinoka reaches her bedroom her anger has hit boiling point. She slams the door open and then shut again behind her. The bedroom is empty, two mattresses both untouched since the night before. Sakura hasn’t come to bed yet, which is probably for the best. Hinoka hates when Sakura sees her have…episodes. Hinoka takes a deep breath and steadies herself.

 

-

 

What finally jolts Hinoka back into the real world is a the distant crowing of a rooster. She turns and sees Sakura’s mattress, still empty. Which means Sakura hadn’t come back the night before. Which meant…

Hinoka leaps to her feet and dives out the door, barreling down the hallway. If something’s happened to her, then…Hinoka’s mind races a million miles a minute, trying to prepare herself for every possible outcome. Corrin hurt her. Camilla hurt her. She got lost. She was kidnapped. She-

Hinoka slammed into the heavy wooden gate of the castle throne room, thrusting the door open and stumbling out into the throne room itself. She staggers on the stairs and realizes she has emerged into a meeting between Yukimura and some other officers and politicians. Hinoka stares at them, wild-eyed, bedhead hair sticking out at odd angles. She breathes heavily, feeling a blush creep into her face. They’re all staring at her and she realizes with a sinking feeling that she’s in her pajamas. Sort of. Just her underwear and a loose-fitting blouse, actually.

Yukimura turns to her, frowning. “Milady, is something the matter?”

“Where’s Sakura?” Hinoka asks, breathless. “Is she okay?”

Yukimura nods. “She’s having breakfast with Lord Corrin and Lady Camilla in the gardens. Perhaps you’d like to join them? After getting dressed, of course.”

Hinoka stares, eyes still wide, adrenaline still coursing through her veins. “Of course. S-sorry,” she says, bowing.

True to Yukimura’s word, Sakura is in the garden pouring tea into a small porcelain cup in Corrin’s hands. The two are cross-legged on a blanket, across from Camilla, who is slicing meat.

Hinoka regrets not going back to get dressed, but she needed to know Sakura was safe. “Don’t touch her!” Hinoka snaps, roughly grabbing Sakura’s arm and pulling her to her feet. Corrin and Camilla both stare at her and begin clamoring.

“Big sister, it’s okay!” Sakura protests. “It’s just breakfast!” Hinoka tries to pull her away, out of the garden and away from the Nohrians.

“It’s _not_ okay!” Hinoka yells. “Where were you last night?!”

“I was…I was in Corrin’s room,” Sakura admits, tears filling her eyes.

“You!’ Hinoka turns to Corrin and stares down at him. He’s sitting motionless, small porcelain teacup in his hands. “What are you doing to her? I’ll kill you!”

Corrin puts up his hands defensively but Sakura tugs away from Hinoka and steps forward, placing herself between them.

“Move, Sakura. I need to deal with this piece of garbage.”

“No,” Sakura frowns.

“Sakura, move. Now!” Hinoka yells again, making Sakura flinch. The flinch is enough to soften Hinoka’s hard glare.

“No!” Sakura protests, seeing her chance to stand up for herself. “No, big sister! I wanted to! It’s not his fault!”

“I thought I told you you have to sleep in my room!”

“I don’t _want_ to!” Sakura shouts, her tiny voice surprisingly powerful in the quiet garden. “I don’t want to sleep with you anymore! I’m not a child!”

“It’s for your protection!” Hinoka explains. “I have to make sure nothing happens to you!”

“Nothing is _going_ to happen to me!” Sakura pleads. “We’re safe! There’s no war anymore. The most dangerous this in this castle is _you_!” she points an accusing finger at Hinoka, who falters.

“W-what?” Hinoka stumbles on her words, Sakura’s voice slicing through her heart like a blade.

“I’m scared of you, big sister! And I’m scared _for_ you!”

“Y-you’re afraid of me? W-w-why?” Hinoka is trembling now, feeling tears pooling in her eyes and blurring her vision. “I…I…I have to protect you! I…I…”

“You’re not well,” Sakura implores her. “You’re sick, big sister. You need help. I can see what’s happening. I can hear you…talking to yourself at night, almost drowning yourself in the bath…you’ve hit me! Don’t you see what you’re doing?”

Hinoka stares at her hands and watches them shake. “I…I haven’t hit you, have I? Sakura, tell me I haven’t hurt you!”

Sakura is crying now, too. “I’m so scared, big sister. I don’t want you to hurt yourself, or anyone else!”

Hinoka stares, her eyes focusing on the garden, tuning Sakura out. She watches the leaves swaying in the breeze, the motes of dust sparkling in the sun, insects flitting from tree to bush to flowerbed to pond. She almost looks through Sakura, through Corrin and Camilla. Her eyes fixate on the dark corners of the garden – the shadowy intersections of walls, the shade beneath bushes. She stares into the darkness underneath a wooden walkway and in that darkness, she can see motion. Her ears are filled with distant sounds. The buzzing of locusts, the singing of birds. Above it all, though, whispers, whispers creeping from underneath the shadow of the walkway. The whispers drown out the other sounds and she tastes copper. She tries focusing her eyes, trying to bring at least one sense to the forefront of her mind, a sense she can actually trust. She sees a hand reach out from beneath the walkway as the whispers grow louder. A second hand reaches out and grasps the dirt of the garden, dragging itself forward. Hinoka’s eyes widen with horror.

Suddenly she is snapped back to her senses by a firm embrace. A soft voice is talking to her, cooing gently in her ear.

“It’s okay. It’s okay. I’m here.”

Hinoka realizes her face is wet with tears. She looks up and sees that it’s Camilla, of all people, whose arms are wrapped tightly around her. Her face rests on Camilla’s shoulder, now wet with snot.

“Shh, it’s okay,” Camilla strokes her hair lightly. Her touch is soft, elegant, and gentle. Hinoka pushes her away and stumbles backwards, tripping over something and landing heavily on her tailbone in the dirt. She stares with wide eyes at Camilla.

“W-w-what happened? Where am I?”

“You’re in the garden. It’s okay, Corrin is getting a doctor and Sakura is getting Yukimura.” Camilla kneels before Hinoka and takes her face in her hands, pressing their foreheads together. “It’s okay. I won’t leave you alone here.” She sits next to Hinoka and gently but firmly lays her down, setting Hinoka’s head in her lap. She strokes her hair, humming softly.

Hinoka blinks back tears. “Camilla, I-“

“Shh,” Camilla shushes her again. She interrupts her humming momentarily. “Don’t say anything. Just rest.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, for the sake of clarity, Corrin and Sakura sleeping together isn't like THAT. Come on.


	4. Chapter 4

“Are you sure you’ll be okay here?” Corrin asks, his voice heavy with concern. He lowers his voice slightly. “I mean…with everything that’s happened…”

“It’s fine, I assure you,” Camilla smiles, waving her hand. “I can take care of myself. Besides, you have a wife and child to return to. And Xander is doing a fine job ruling. Think of it as me…demanding a vacation.”

“Some vacation,” Corrin sighs, tightening his pack on his horse.

“I’m sure I’ll manage to have _some_ fun,” Camilla winks playfully. Corrin rolls his eyes.

“Look, I’m…gonna go say goodbye to Hinoka. Do you want to come with me?”

Camilla shakes her head. “I’m sure I’ll be seeing plenty of her in the coming months. I’ll make sure your convoy is all packed up and ready to go, okay?”

Corrin takes a deep breath before pushing open the door to Hinoka’s room. She’s laying in bed when he enters. Her eyes are closed but he suspects she isn’t sleeping.

“Queen Hinoka?” Corrin whispers softly. “Are you awake?”

Hinoka nods without opening her eyes.

“I’m getting ready to leave. I just wanted to say goodbye.”

Hinoka opens one eye as Corrin sits on the side of the bed. It’s a wooden bed, Nohrian-style this time, not just a mattress on the floor. Corrin always preferred this style, personally.

“I just…wanted to apologize. About how things happened.”

Hinoka almost imperceptibly nods, smiling slightly. “Yeah,” she breathes.

“It’s…it’s not easy, you know. Knowing how things will turn out. I can’t make any excuses for myself. I know what I did, and I know what happened because of my choices. But I want you to know that I never had any ill will towards you. Any of you. I love you all so dearly, and…words can’t describe my regret for what I have done. And I’m going to have to live with that for the rest of my life.” He turns, taking Hinoka’s hand in his. “But…I hope you have the kindness in your heart to forgive me. The kindness I know I don’t deserve. I never meant for any of this to turn out the way it did. And I know good intentions don’t absolve me, but…” he trails off, choking up.

“Hinoka, I’m so, so, sorry. If there’s anything I can do, anything at all, please ask. I can’t bring back Ryoma and Takumi, and I can’t bring back mother. But…you’re here. And Sakura is here, and I’m here. You’re both so precious, and I…I don’t…I don’t know,” he sighs, running out of steam. “You’re my sister. And I love you.”

Hinoka nods slowly, saying nothing. Corrin stands up and leans over her, kissing her on the forehead before walking out of the room. Hinoka calls out to him, her voice hoarse.

“Corrin, wait.”

Corrin stops and turns to her.

“I…I love you.” Hinoka says. There’s no warmth in the statement, no real presence to it. It’s a fact, not an opinion. It says ‘I will love you in spite of what you’ve done’, not ‘I love you regardless of what you’ve done’. Corrin nods, knowing it’s more than he deserves.


	5. Chapter 5

Camilla helps Hinoka onto the back of the wyvern. The saddle is long, designed for one-person use but serviceable with a second, and Hinoka has to steady herself lest she slide off before she even has a chance to strap her legs in. Camilla helps her, fastening the buckles and straps on either of her legs, locking her into the saddle before mounting up herself. The wyvern is a massive creature, far bigger than a pegasus, its leathery wings dark and sinewy. It smells reptilian, too, more of a snake to a pegasus’ horse. Hinoka runs a cautious hand along the scales beneath the harness. It’s got a tough hide, leathery and thick. She had seen wyverns before, of course. And fought her fair share of them as well.

Once upon a time, she reflects, she even fought _this_ one. How strange and distant that now seemed.

Camilla leans back and turns to her. “You okay?”

Hinoka nods. “Yeah, just…nervous. It’s been a while.”

“I’m sure we’ll get you back on your own mount in no time,” Camilla smiles. “In the meantime, you’ll have to make do with my company.”

Hinoka wraps her arms around Camilla’s midsection. Fortunately, Camilla isn’t wearing her battle armor. She’s casually dressed in dark leather riding boots and a thick padded coat. It gets cold in the sky, of course, so Hinoka herself is dressed warmly as well. Wool socks line her boots and she’s wrapped in one of Camilla’s spare coats – too big for her, of course, but it feels like she’s wrapped in a plush blanket.

Hinoka leans her head against Camilla’s back.

“You all set back there?” Camilla asks, readying her reins. Hinoka nods rather than replying. Camilla feels her motion behind her, the tactile response enough for her.

“Let’s go!” Camilla snaps the reins and the wyvern leaps into the sky immediately. Unlike a pegasus it requires no buildup of speed, no galloping. Just a flap of its powerful wings and suddenly they’re airborne.

Hinoka feels her stomach drop as they begin to rise above the castle. Sakura, waiting far below, waves and smiles. Hinoka tries waving back but changes her mind, choosing instead to cling to Camilla’s sturdy body. She wraps her arms tight and squeezes.

She has never been afraid of heights, but though she’d be loath to admit it, she was definitely afraid of wyverns. For all the unpredictability of pegasi, at least they seemed…sensible. Wyverns on the other hand had this pent up animalistic energy, and sitting on the back of one made Hinoka feel like she could be launched into space at any moment.

They were still gaining altitude. Hinoka leaned closer, almost trying to shove herself inside Camilla.

“I change my mind!” She cries, burying her face into Camilla’s back and squeezing her eyes. “I’m not ready! I want to go back down!”

“Nope, too late!” Camilla laughs, her voice high and clear in the chilly air. She tugs the reins and Hinoka’s stomach _really_ drops, this time as the wyvern dives. She screams, her shrill yell drowning out Camilla’s laughter. The wyvern swoops and dives, darting around and through massive puffy clouds. They plunge into a thick bank of cloud and Hinoka finds herself once again surrounded by water. The thick fog surrounds them on all sides and the wind whistles, blowing back her hair and chilling her exposed skin. They burst through the bottom layer of the cloud and Hinoka stares out at the land spread out before them. Castle Shirasagi looks like a playset from this height, a miniature castle surrounded by a toy town. The plains spread out before the castle, the rice fields and forests stretching out to the horizon line, where they meet up with the mountains. The mountains, too, plunge into the sky like jagged fangs, great spires of rock stretching up to the clouds. Miles and miles away, to the south, the land gives way to the sea, a dark blue sparking in the midday sun.

Hinoka gasps and her heart lifts. She laughs.

It’s a sight she hasn’t seen in far, far too long. She hasn’t ridden since that day – the battle at Shirasagi, where she was defeated by Corrin and his army. She had all but abandoned riding her pegasus ever again. In her mind, she blamed being queen – she claimed she was too busy, too preoccupied with rebuilding their country. But in her heart she knew the truth.

That her heart wasn’t in it. Even if she had the emotional temperament to control a pegasus, she wouldn’t. She couldn’t bear to see pegasi. She had spent her life training to be a pegasus knight, learning to ride and to fight. She had been a child soldier. An expert commander. But now she couldn’t sit in a saddle without thinking of the war. Without thinking of the pain and death and loss and how she had spent her life training to rescue the very same man who killed her family. And so she stopped. She put down her naginata and threw away her riding boots. And that was the end of it.

But it wasn’t the end. Not anymore. This woman – once her enemy, her mortal foe. The evil witch who stole away her precious brother, the vicious killer who ripped her family from her…she let Hinoka fly again. Hinoka laughs as the wyvern twists and darts around the sky. She wasn’t evil, of course. Hinoka knew that by now. Vicious, sure. Definitely. Her enemy? Maybe. But not evil. Camilla couldn’t have been evil. Because Hinoka treated her terribly, swore at her and hit her and yelled at her, and Camilla still stayed. She still took care of Hinoka and calmly waited while she had her tantrums. She made her eat and bathe, made her practice writing and practice speaking. She was not a magic cure – illness, particularly like Hinoka’s, wasn’t as simple as a stab wound or a broken arm. It wasn’t even something that could be cured, not really. But healing started with patience, with a willingness to listen. A willingness to stay even when she didn’t deserve anyone to stay by her side. Perhaps it was such healing that would mend the rift between Nohr and Hoshido, the animosity that still festered since the war’s end. But that was just wishful thinking.

They rise above the clouds again, emerging on the other side damp and cool, a fine layer of mist coating them. The sun shines brightly up here above the clouds, and the sky is an unbelievably clear blue.

Why did Camilla stay? What made her choose to stay in Hoshido rather than return to Nohr, to her family and friends? Hinoka is unsure, but she has a few working theories. Camilla, for all her extravagance, tends to be quite the enigmatic figure. And Hinoka had been piecing together her backstory from bits and pieces of her life, snippets of comments and conversations. From the quiet moments when Camilla would wake drenched in sweat, wracked with spasms of sobs. When she would wander the halls in the dead of night, plagued with insomnia. From her reluctance to talk about her mother and her father, her hesitance to mention her own siblings. Not Xander or Leo, Corrin, or Elise. The other ones, the other children that would never be written into histories or memorialized in graveyards. Behind the mask of seductive beauty and elegance Hinoka could see darkness and pain. So perhaps that was why she stayed. Because she, too, knew what it was like to look into the dark places of the world and see the motion of unseen things. What it was like to hear the whispers in the dead of night. That’s the working theory, of course. Hinoka knows better than to prod Camilla the wrong way.

The wyvern dips below the clouds again, tracing a wide arc in the sky, it’s leathery wings beating fiercely against the wind. It twists and curves, graceful despite its intimidating visage. Camilla twists the reins to and fro, guiding the wyvern this way and that. Hinoka can see she is grinning wildly, her face plastered with joy.

Camilla ends her theatrics and brings the wyvern to a steady glide. Its wings beat rhythmically, keeping it at a steady altitude. “You okay back there?” she calls back to Hinoka, who is still laughing.

“Y-yeah,” Hinoka stumbles over her words. Her eyes are brimming with tears but she can’t quite figure out why. Not sadness, no. It must be the wind. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> You ever think about Hinoka? I do a lot. She really got dealt a bad hand in Conquest, huh? That's gotta be rough.
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for reading! I've been dealing with some pretty annoying writer's block, so I figured doing a quick Caminoka angsty one-shot would be a nice, easy thing for me to throw together. I wrote this in one sitting, so...I hope it's actually good. As always, comments and kudos are appreciated, and hopefully I can be back on track to write some new stuff soon!


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